I’ve been a little MIA on this blog for awhile, but hey … that’s life 😉 However, I recently had an experience that I just can’t help but write about. My little brother got married last weekend!! It was a great day & I had the honor of playing one of my newest songs, “Love In The Wind.”
I find it funny & awesome how God works in mysterious ways in our lives. When I started writing Love In The Wind, I just knew that I wanted to write a love song. I didn’t really have a reason for that, I just knew that’s the direction I wanted to take it. I wrote a beautiful, pretty simple, lovely melody. This was going to be my love song. Then, out of the blue, a new sequence in the left hand came to me & at first I thought, “Oh man…this is going to be so awesome for my next song!” However, I soon realized that it complemented my love song very well & that I could combine the 2 ideas.
Pretty soon, my special 2 part song, “Love In The Wind” was born & I created this whole story in my head on what the song was about. This fueled the song & made it become one of my favorite songs I’ve ever created. I imagined Part 1 of the song being the story between 2 people in love.. passionate & romantic. The song changes at Part 2 & this is where the “wind” comes in. At this change, I imagined that something happened between the couple & they could no longer be together for whatever reason (like death or military or something like that). In this part of the song, they are no longer together but can each feel the other’s “love in the wind.”
Have you ever had that feeling? Like when someone you love is no longer with you, but you can still feel their love with you? I have… & it made this song really resonate with me in a way that no other song has. In fact, once I completed the song, the first person I shared it with was my husband & I was in tears afterward.
When Kevin & Abby asked me to play a song at their wedding, I could think of no better song to play. Not only is it a gorgeous song for a wedding in general, but there is a deeper meaning in choosing this song for them. Abby’s mom Jean passed away 8 years ago & I just felt this deep sense that this would be the perfect tribute to her…conveying that her love would be with Kevin & Abby on their special day. I think God (& Jean!) had this in mind when they planted the seed of this song in my mind, even though I didn’t know who or what this song was really for at the time! Oh, and how fitting that the day of their wedding was a windy day.
Now, I have made major strides with my stage fright & performance anxiety problem in recent years, but for months before the big day, I was SO NERVOUS. I thought about it a lot & couldn’t put my finger on why exactly this performance was so different than others. After all, I was only playing 1 song & had played multiple songs at other weddings & events with significantly less nerves.
I ended up settling on 2 things:
#1. It’s a family wedding & my fear stems back to when I was an adolescent & was not able to finish the song at my brother Paul’s wedding.
#2. I am so in love with this song & I want to do the song justice so that it resonates with other people the way it does with me!
I tried to calm my nerves by practicing my song every single day leading up to the wedding day. I prayed a lot to God & to Jean & asked that they would help calm me on the day of the wedding so that I could convey the meaning of the song & sincerely enjoy the experience of sharing it. I still felt some pretty strong nerves as I practiced at church the night before the wedding at rehearsal, & also when I practiced it there the morning of the wedding after taking pictures.
However, once the ceremony started, I felt a sense of calm wash over me & I was significantly less nervous (of course, there were still some there but I was feeling much better!) When it was time for the song during meditation, & all eyes were on me, I looked at Kevin & Abby & thought, “This is for them.” Then I thought, “OK God, OK Jean, help me out here!” I started playing & really focused on connecting with the music, the meaning behind it all, this special day & how beautiful it is to be able to contribute this gift to the newly married couple. I was comfortable throughout the entire song & I’m happy to say that my prayers were answered. It brought some people to tears & I consider that to be mission accomplished 😉
Afterward, some people told me that they could see the trees blowing in the wind through a big clear window that was above me as I was playing the song. I believe that was another little “hello” from Jean. I think, in that special moment, everyone at the ceremony felt her love in the wind…and I’m so blessed to be the one that she was speaking through.